Searching for enlightenment

Getting in touch with myself by being in touch with others.

One morning in March 2019 I woke up with a luminous idea: ‘I must do this!
Connecting naked in motion. Vulnerable by the nudity, trusting myself and the others. Without talking or agreeing on what will happen, see how contact arises. Discomfort, playfulness, trust; what happens is what is.

The day and night before I was nervous: ‘I’m going to dance naked with two dancers I don’t know. How would that go?’ Scenarios passed me by.

It is Liberation Day. The time has come; the first forty-five minutes is the search. What is going to happen? Who will make the first contact?’
We get in touch and after a while we get together for 1.5 hours. As if three people had become one. My body sometimes takes over from my head. Our bodies are intimate, but it doesn’t feel that way to me.
I feel safe and reasonably free. Later, when I see the video footage, I find out why.

The days before, the dance itself and the days after have triggered different feelings in me.
It was nice and in the evening I had the feeling that I wanted more of it. More with them. The dance seems to have the same effect on me as a lovemaking: we made contact at the same vibrational frequency and have become one. Spiritual, energetic and physical. It was a more intimate experience than I realised at that moment.

At first I thought I was the only one blindfolded. Later it turned out that all three of us were blindfolded.
Three days later I look back at the video images and see typical things of myself in my movements.
One reason why I thought I felt safe was that, despite my nudity and contact, I was still closed. I see a kind of attraction and repulsion. I look for contact, but I also turn my back on them. I don’t let them and seem to avoid real touch. My movements, rapprochement and posture show a kind of clumsiness and awkwardness. I recognize my tendency to have the feeling that people are not waiting for me.

I feel like doing it again and then looking for contact myself. Could I do that subtly? Would I dare to open up? Can I also include the front of my body, without it becoming sexual? Or should it be, without me having to do anything with that excitement?

I always take a very critical look at myself and now literally. I see a lot of what I still want and can learn and I can be proud. I asked two dancers to join me in the challenge of naked contact improvisation. I wanted to see if this situation would represent resistance and acceptance from the vulnerability of the human being. Discomfort and trust; trust in the other person and myself or mistrust?
Humanity; the individual and the merging as part of the Divine unity.
These themes have been laid down. It worked. I have 6 hours of visual material from which I can draw for my art in the coming years.

Through the video images I see myself from different perspectives. I’ve always been looking for confirmation that I can be there. That me and my work are seen and appreciated. This project seems to be the climax of this quest and I’m going to study it further in the coming period. In the meantime, I am looking for suitable locations to exhibit this work.


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